Sparkling Sapphire Desire
by Demonwing12846
Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day, and Mokuba is trying to decide what he should get his secret love for such a special occasion. But what can the young Kaiba get, that says ‘I love you’, without letting his beloved know that he loves him more than he should?


Title: Sparkling Sapphire Desire

Author: Demonwing ©  
Date: 02-14-2005   
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters. Kazuki Takahashi, as well as all affiliates, are the creators and genius behind them. The story/plot contained within this fic/piece, however, is all mine! Bwahahaha!  
Warnings: Shonen-Ai, Incest (one-sided), Poetry, Angst, Mild Profanity.  
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh!  
Pairings: Mokuba + Seto  
Type: Multi-Part, Poem-Fic, Contest Fic.  
OCs: None  
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, and Mokuba is trying to decide what he should get his secret love for such a special occasion. But what can the young Kaiba get, that says 'I love you', without letting his beloved know that he loves him more than he should?  
Authors Notes: This was written for the CDPCC on Blue-Eyes Manor.  
Beta/Editor: Purkle Dragon Goddess  
Words: 2825

Mokuba's POV

School let out a little over five minutes ago and here I stand, under the awning of the front doors to the building, awaiting the limo that will take me to Kaiba Corporation. Moving to the side, I stand against the cold, brick wall, my knee bent, and my foot propped against the surface, arms crossed over my chest. It's raining, and the sky is a dismal gray, filled with oppressing clouds, but I don't mind as it seems to fit the mood I'm in. I stare out into the bustling crowds of teenagers looking to leave this hole. It's Valentine's Day, and everyone seems to have somewhere to go with their lovers, or their prospective lovers. And me…

I sigh, bringing my wrist up and turning it so that I can view my watch. Three more minutes and my ride should be here. I decipher that gives me just enough time to have a smoke. Pulling a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket, I remove one, placing it in my mouth before lighting it and taking a rather long drag. I'm careful to look around, and from side-to-side every so often, as I don't treasure the thought of getting caught by school officials. I'm only seventeen, and regardless of that, if my brother found out that I smoked my ass would be so… To tell the truth, I have no idea what Seto would do if he found out. Only that he would initially flip. After that, he'd probably just go back to ignoring me. I sigh again, studying the stick between my fingers for a moment before bringing it back to my lips, take a few more drags, then drop what's left to the concrete walk, stamping it out with one of my polished shoes. My ride has finally shown. Stepping away from the wall, I walk out from under the safety of the awning and into the rain, making my way to the car before the driver can exit and meet me with an umbrella.

"Mokuba-sama! You should have waited until…"

"That's quite all right, Hoshi," I cut the man off. Really, he can be too caring and sentimental for my sake, as far as I'm concerned. It's not as if I mind the rain, or becoming wet because of it. What was I going to do? Melt? "I'm quite capable of making it to the car on my own, without dissolving."

Hoshi, our driver, stops to look at me for a moment, his eyes regarding me carefully as he opens the door so I can enter the car. Sure, I realize that I'm being harsh with him, but I could really care less at the moment. I'm in a rather foul mood to begin with, and care even less about being coddled. I crouch into the backseat, sitting back against the interior and trying to decipher what to get my big brother for Valentine's Day, while Hoshi closes the door and heads back to the driver's seat.

What could I possibly get Seto that would convey my feelings, without outright saying them? I mean, I want him to know exactly how much I care, without him knowing exactly how much I care. That doesn't make sense. Leaning forward, I lean my elbows on my knees, gripping my hair at the back of my head in frustration. This is not working. How much longer can I hold back my feelings, before I make an irrepressible slip? If Seto knew to what extent my feelings were… I shake my head. I can't allow that to happen. So what can I get him that tells him that I love him, without letting him know that I love him more than I should?

"Awe fuck! Why does this have to be so complicated!" I throw myself back against the seat, banging my head in the process. "Why can't I be normal?" I unconsciously hug myself, bringing my knees up to my chest. It's a childish habit that I've portrayed ever since my adolescent days; one that had always brought me some comfort, no matter how small. "Not only do I have to be… gay…" I test the word, still trying to get used to the reality that I had come too, just a short year ago. "But I'm in love with my own brother. How unethical and immoral can I get?" I hug my knees tighter, fighting the tears that start to prickle the backs of my eyes. "And if Seto ever finds out…" I exhale a deep, frustrated breath. I've gone down this mental path often, and quite frankly, I'm really not up to it now. Feeling the car come to a stop, I bring my head forward and rub my face against my uniform clad knees, wiping any trace of tears that might have leaked. I will not cry, let alone have Seto find out about it. Crying is one weakness I cannot afford in the face of my brother. Soon after, the back door opens, and Hoshi steps aside, allowing me room as I step out of the car into the rain. He tries to hold an umbrella up for me, but I just shake my head, signaling that his act of kindness is unnecessary.

"Mokuba-sama, are you feeling all right?"

I can hear the concern in his voice as I stand there, staring for some time at the building that has been the bane of my and my brother's existence as Kaibas. "Yes, Hoshi." I speak softly, looking at the man, as I lightly grip his shoulder in a gesture meant to comfort him. "I'm fine. Just a little tired is all." He nods in return, his wise, silvery eyes clearly conveying that he doesn't believe me one bit, but that he will leave me be. I sigh, a silent thank you to him as I move forward, only to stop once more when he's able to close the car door. Tilting my head back and closing my eyes, I allow the rain to pelt my face, washing away all evidence of what I was sure was a red, tear-stained façade, and soaking my hair more than what it already had been. The cold drops feel like bliss against my skin, even though they can't wash away my sorrows. For once, I truly feel lost. So much more than I ever have before.

Hiking my pack further on my shoulder, I put my hands in my pockets and walk up to the doors of KC's skyscraper. Extracting my right hand, I swing open one of the outer glass doors and step into the entranceway. I then open one of the second sets of doors, and enter the lobby, wringing out my hair and shaking my head to help get rid of some of the water weighing me down. I don't much care for the look the receptionist is giving me behind her desk, and I let the woman know as I give her a firm glare, causing her to immediately break her gaze and bow her head. Moving towards the elevator, I give a silent nod to the security guard, who presses the button for me, the cart bell chiming as the doors open. Stepping into the cart, I press the button for the top floor and back up, resting my back against the rear wall; my thoughts around Seto, and my predicament resurface ten-fold. I do get a small reprieve, however, when the cart stops and the bell chimes, the doors opening once more.

I scuffle out, dragging my feet along the carpet on my way to my brother's office, plastering on a fake smile as Seto's secretary makes eyes and waves at me. I sometimes stop and wonder if she does the same to Seto, but then mentally growl as a dark feeling of jealousy starts to take over. A whole hell of a lot of good that does me. I don't even have a right to be envious in the first place.

I'm now in front of my brother's office, and in a blind moment of fury I kick the doors, growling as the unforgiving wood causes my foot to throb. I wince. Damn that hurt. I then shove the door open roughly, unintentionally banging it against the wall as I enter the room, and then slam it shut behind me. My brother's eyes are on me as I kick my shoes off by the door. I can sense it. And it's at that moment that my treacherous body decides to betray me. 'Goddamn teenage hormones! Go fucking pick on someone else for a change!' Scowling, I stomped over to the couch on the other side of the office, stopping only to toss my bag in front of the couch before I dump my body face first into the leather material, and scream.

"Being a little over dramatic, aren't we?" Seto inquires.

I could mentally picture him, with one elegant brow raised, his sparkling sapphire gaze penetrating my very soul… I shake my head, lifting it up just enough to growl out a reply. "Fuck you, Seto." Thank the gods above that he couldn't see me through the back of the couch, for my face turned beet red the moment those words left my lips, my cock suddenly harder than the damn bamboo sticks in my Kendo Class at the High School. I have never said such words to my brother before, and for some reason, they turn me on even more, both physically and mentally.

"Excuse me?"

He sounds almost shocked. Or maybe flabbergasted would better suit to explain the tone in his voice.

"Perhaps I should wash your mouth out with soap."

I bury my face back into the leather of the couch cushion below me. "Or perhaps you should shove your cock down my throat," I mumble, my voice barely audible, my words a mere slur. Boy, I'm just full of surprises today, even to myself.

"Wha… What did you say?" A surprisingly meek stutter escapes his lips.

My eyes go wide, as I raise my head from its position. 'Oh shit! He couldn't have possibly made out what I said! Could he!' My mouth began to work, but words could not follow, so I settled for clearing my throat while I reached over the front of the couch for my bag. "Nothing." I croak. I only pray he lets it go, as I so do not want to explain myself if he did in fact hear what I said. The thought causes my face to flush even more. What the hell was I thinking anyway, talking to my brother like that! Not hearing another word, I sigh in relief. Apparently, Seto has decided to let go of the subject. Well, at least for now, anyways. If he had truly heard something, I have no doubt in my mind that he will resurrect the conversation later. The sound of his laptop keys confirms my suspicions, and I can now breathe easier.

Unzipping my book bag, I reach in and extract my purple composition book and a pen, deciding to forgo my homework for the time being, in favor of my journal. Why I carry this thing around with me is beyond my comprehension. If anyone were to discover it… My teacher… Or even Seto… All my thoughts, my feelings, my deeply buried secrets, would be laid bare for the record, and my heart torn asunder in ways I don't long to fathom. The tears that I fought back earlier now return to prickle the backs of my eyes with a vengeance.

Opening my journal, I begin to write.

I write about my day, from the time I wake, up until now. How after school, I stood out in the rain, smoking a cigarette while contemplating what I would get Seto for Valentine's Day, today. The confusion of my thoughts while trying to figure out what to get him that would convey my feelings, while not quite conveying them fully. Even of my mental processes while in the limo on the way here. I'm so caught up in what I'm doing at the moment, that I barely take notice of the sound the wheels on Seto's chair make as they slide against the carpet when he moves. And I don't take note of the shadow that looms over me as I continue to write.

The water,  
Your eyes,  
A sparkling sapphire hue;  
Convey the desire,  
I harbor for you.

Go figure, that the first thing to pop in my mind would be your eyes. Such a beautiful, breathtaking blue. One that reminds me of your very own Blue-Eyes White Dragon whenever you used to play the card. Such passion, such intensity is often portrayed in them, as well as a deep, longing and sadness. The longing in those precious sapphires is what's the hardest to view for me, as every time I gaze into your eyes, I want so badly to hold you and take away all the loneliness and pain that I am sure you are feeling. Sometimes I often drown in those eyes, once in a great while capturing a glimpse of a desire as strong as my own. But is that desire for me, or do I simply misconstrue?

If I go to take a bath,  
Fill the tub to the top,  
Immerse myself completely,  
And inhale through my nose and mouth,  
How long will it take me to drown?

Ironic…

I've been having reoccurring dreams for the past few months now of drowning. I've always dreamt of my death being due to asphyxiation by water. But why are they reoccurring now? And why is the pull so strong?

I feel so hollow and empty. Maybe if I inhale enough, I'll become full?

Perhaps they're due to the product of my recent findings. After struggling with myself for what I believe to be damn near five years, I finally came to the conclusion a mere year ago that I am gay. Not only that, but the stirrings that I receive in my body and heart every time I'm around Seto have led me to another startling conclusion. That I, at least from what I can tell, harbor lust for my brother.

Many nights I lain in bed after realizing that, and still do to this day, wondering just what is wrong with me that I feel this way. After all, what I'm feeling is supposed to be wrong, right?

If Seto knew…

If Seto knew…

These thoughts alone, amongst all of my sordid dreams, starring one Kaiba Seto, has lead me to visiting the bathroom at regular intervals, throwing up all contents that lay within my stomach, or not. Sometimes I will simply dry-heave, tears trekking down my cheeks at the knowledge that my brother would hate me, and disown me, if he ever discovered my feelings towards him.

I'm drowning,  
Drowning in you,  
Drowning in,  
Sparkling sapphire blue.

I wonder if he ever notices how much I stare into his eyes, just how much I adore him. Thinking back, it all suddenly becomes clear to me. My thoughts, my feelings, those special stirrings that strike my body so unbidden… I've been in love with him all this time. And every day my love seems to grow so much stronger. What am I supposed to do? Just how much more of this can I take before I break down, confessing all of my evils before him? Just what will I do when he rejects me?

What would you do,  
If you only knew;  
That my love does grow,  
My heart is askew;  
A wild fire,  
That burns just for you;  
Sparkling sapphire desire,

How I love you…

I drop my pen so that I can take a moment to wipe the tears from my eyes as they finally spring forth to roll down my cheeks; nearly jumping out of my skin as a firm hand lands on my shoulder, and Seto's soft baritone speaks up.

"Mokuba… We need to talk." 

TBC

Copyright © Demonwing 


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